It is a beautiful day outside. Truly one of those perfect summer evenings. I'm sitting alone in my kitchen, surfing the internet and playing Words With Friends. I know I should go out and walk around or something. I just don't feel like it. If I had someone to walk with that would be different. I miss living with Melanie in a lot of ways. Living alone did not work out at all like I hoped it would. I spend too much time alone. Part of the problem, of course, is the social isolation caused by having no money and not being able to invite people over because of the cockroaches.
Otherwise, I'm feeling a little better generally. It must be hormonal fluctuations since nothing has changed. I borrowed some money from Emily and CJ to pay the internet bill and then had to borrow some money from Chris to pay my gym membership (which I haven't even gone to all week but I will next week). So, I'm not as stressed out about that. I have a little money to buy food.
Work has been slow which you would think would make it better but hasn't really. I've been talking more to Anthony, which I know is dangerous. I have to remember how things always go. He is friendly now but who knows what he will be like next week. It's not my nature to not be friendly to people I like though. I should remember how he has hurt me but it's not like I've forgotten. I don't know. I need a new job. That would solve a lot of problems.
I also have two OKcupid messages I'm avoiding. It's like I want to meet guys...sort of. But I don't want to make all the small talk and face all the judgements and statistically half will end up being jerks, some will be boring, some will think I'm too fat in person. I know. That is so negative and defeatist. I just hate online dating.
No comments:
Post a Comment